Hi, my name is Bill, I am 35 years old I have two children and I am unemployed and rely on money from people on the street. I was asked the other day at the shelter I sometimes go to a simple question, why? At first I did not understand, why what? Why is the sky blue? Why does the sun burn in the day but sleep at night? I had no idea what it meant. I took about a week to come up with this.
I was about 10 when both my parents got their dream, a house. It was like all the problems we had before were left in the old town, with a bunch of hard memories and feelings. Its strange but its like when you open all the windows and doors on a summer day because its better than air conditioning, that’s what it felt like in the new house. It was a new school so the bullies would not be there and I could ride my bike when ever I wanted….. As long as it was in a 3 block radius. So as things progressed, it was about 2 years after we moved the fights began, maybe they started sooner, I just never herd it. It was loud sometimes, the cd player I got a couple years before had broken and I made sure I always had a new one. I wished that the silence would be so much louder but it never was after a while, silence was just awkward before another argument. My dad had enough of it after a year and decided to leave, I wanted to go with him so bad but I did not want a fight over the house and I still had friends, so I stayed.
Things were not good I was just in high school and had already been smoking pot since about a year earlier. I hated being in a chair all day only to be told things that were elementary if you paid attention when the told you the first time in elementary. I had issues with math, not because I didn’t get it, because the teacher didn’t get me or why I didn’t have to show my work, but how do you tell her you see a number in your head and put it down and its right? That makes you sound crazy. After failing a few classes for not showing up I started to smoke more pot, skateboard and bike and some times sell pot. I was making cash and my mother asked how I was getting all the money I was, so I told her I had helped a friends dad and he paid us both. That’s when I got a part time job. I dropped out and started to sell more drugs and was kicked out of my house living at a friends apartment. At sixteen I had a room in my friends two bedroom apartment and was able to pay half the bills plus my food and two cell phones. I had it made, part time job for bills, full time sales gig to pay for whatever I felt like doing.
Those days were crazy, 16 to 21 I lived there and I doubt there is a substance on this planet that was not done on, above or near the glass top coffee table I had at that time. We had all the money you could imagine and no idea what to spend it on. Sure friends came and went, some died on the shit they did, some went to jail from it and others got clean and disappeared. One thing I always noticed is there are always plenty of people to get high with. I don’t feel bad for the ones not around, or the ones locked up because just like me, they knew what they were getting into. Well maybe not exactly.
I will remember this day for my entire life. Exactly thirty days before my twenty second birth day cops came and raided the apartment. The legendary apartment, you go back to my home town of !@#$%^&*() and ask about Billy’s, you’ll see. So cops kicked the door in right on my buddy, and the walked right in over top of him, fucked his shit up, several broken ribs, arm and both legs. I did not realize how great my actions that morning were until this moment. I had nothing but a few bits of weed left so I chopped it and packed a bowl for me and my buddy, he smoked his. I had mine and smoked it just before the cops kicked the door in and exhaled while saying “oh shit”, that close. We were served with fines and that was it because of paraphernalia, lucky.
After that the core group broke up and went and did our own thing, 3 friends went to %^%$^#^# for the blow and club scene. Many others out west.
Me, I kept up with smoking crack. I loved it, cheap, easy to make and I could double my money if I cooked it myself. See I get an 8 ball and cut it and cook it you get twice what you paid if you sell it all. There is the big if there, if you sell it all. I would have to cook up about $1000 worth of coke to support both my habit and bills. Don’t get me wrong it worked for years. I had my “wife” at this point and had a child at 23 and was doing this to support my family. It was all I knew and it got it done.
One day I was cooking up a huge batch of methamphetamine as I found was cheaper and easier to make and was my smoke of choice, the cops came knocking again. I had a batch going and they were at the front door, so I turned down the heat and went to see what they wanted. They were asking if they could search without a warrant. I thought about it and told them to come back with a warrant or get fucked. While talking to them the batch had boiled over and as I turned around to walk back exploded. It tore the garage off my house and totally obliterated itself, thank god.
No charges ever came but no insurance claims were made and my wife left and took my little girl, I have never herd from them since.
So I decided to leave, I was 24 and thought if out west was so cool why not give it a shot. I had about $700 and a bag of clothes and I was set. So I thought
I was out on the coast in !#$^&* and loved it. I had been there a week and found a job washing dishes and a room in a house near the strip. I made a hook up too and was able to get blow my first day. I was out of money in 2 weeks and had to leave the room 2 weeks later. I was able to stay with somebody I met for a week on their couch but had to leave when I couldn’t pay for a rock to split. My boss fired me about a week later for missing shifts and not washing my uniform. I tried to go to shelters but the others there would steal my things. I found a $100 bill once and spent half on drugs and the other half I got drunk with and I don’t know why. I was seeing this other nice girl I met on the street, she had a room that welfare was paying for and she had to go to a meeting every week. Well we were together for a while it was great, don’t have to work and get high on uncle sam. Then she came home and said she was late, I told her its not two bad, one or two minuets nothing to worry about….. Then I got it. She said she was keeping it and that I would be one low cock sucker to take her drugs and knock her up and walk out on her. I told her to relax and that I would stay. So she has the baby and then a week or two later her family comes and gets her and I never see her again, once again im alone and on the streets.
Its been the same story since. I cant find a job, house or even a hot meal some days. Somewhere in there is a reason for me now but I don’t know, but that’s the best answer I will ever have to the question I ask every day, why?

Its wrapped in many colors and flags, white guilt, spiritual debate, native opression and many others. Everybody is to be guitly for something they have done. Germans know this, as they are the most recently world wide oppressed and forced into guilt example I know. The groups involved are of no concern becuase nine times out of ten the one responsible is faceless, usually its money. Being a white male I hear this white guilt thing, its bullshit. I am 24 born 1986, I was not available to put people on a ship and send them to Australia, I was not around when the british troops gave blankets tainted with small pox to north american natives. It would not be possible to be part of the shipping of french canadians to what is now the Mississippi area and terribly mis pronounce acadian as cajun. 

I digress slightly only to prove a point. I never killed without reason besides orders or money. I never enslaved people only to be more wealthy. I like many of the people taking charge now and in future years have done these atrocities, they are past. The only crime or guilt should be the people who no longer trade in goods but money, the ones who only trade money to make more money. In a system where goods are not the objects being bought or sold is one that fails because there in no production.
We are all without guilt, but being part of this system around us makes us criminals of sorts. How do we stand watching what the people in power have to say when their actions never reflect it? "tax cuts are necessary" then two months later my hydro went up about $20 a month, im not smart but "cuts" and then a jump of $20 sounds like a rise. The fact that troops are still being killed in the sand (i say sand cuz i have no idea which one covered in sand will be the target next).

Look into the fabric on your back we all pick cotton, you don't need to be black. This time it hangs on racks in boxes that will take your hard earned money, which was taxed before you got it. We are guilty of this, your bench, lulu lemon, billabong, quicksilver, or what ever other clothes are made first by near slave wages and companies make sure that minimum wages in these countries stay low. Next comes the attack from the home front. The company has ensured their products will have people to sell them, the do this by lending the government and then you get a number here its called your SIN (kinda fitting) or Social Insurance Number. Whats this number means is your government has guaranteed you will work. This is a long way of saying that your government has sold you to pay their debt. The story gets funny from here. Not only do the people work in the stores but are forced to shop in the same stores due to the need for individuality and need for "cool". So the over priced goods are consumed by the same people selling the goods. The overall goal is to have all of the money paid out come back to the cash register. In a way it does, you pay your rent to a non-corporate owner and he will put it back when he gets coffee, gas or things to fix his units. At the top of this chain it doesn't matter because you or somebody you know makes the goods and the money comes right back into your stock options and salary. 

These people at the top of the chain are guilty, they are the slave masters, they are the reason the blacks are profiled. They trade human lives with every deal and can snuff it out with concern only for profit margins and year end bonuses. The corporate system is a tailor made world ruler. Every country is in its grip and none are left untouched.